Monday, October 29, 2012

TOO TIRED FOR ANYTHING

Seriously. I cant even make myself food. Can someone come help me be alive? because I am struggling to function. This blog took me 4 hours.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Red.

There's an old poem by Neruda that I've always been captivated by, and one of the lines in it has stuck with me ever since the first time I read it.

It says "love is so short, forgetting is so long."

It's a line I've related to in my saddest moments, when I needed to know someone else had felt that exact same way.

And when we're trying to move on:

The moments we always go back to aren't the mundane ones.

They are the moments you saw sparks that weren't really there.

Felt stars aligning without having any proof.

Saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning.

These are moments of newfound hope, extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and in some cases, the unthinkable letdown.

And in my mind, every one of these memories looks the same to me. I see all of these moments in bright, burning, red.

My experiences in love have taught me difficult lessons, especially my experiences with crazy love. The red relationships. The ones that went from zero to a hundred miles per hour and then hit a wall and exploded.

And it was awful.

And ridiculous.

And desperate.

And thrilling.

And when the dust settled, it was something I'd never take back.

Because there is something to be said for being young and needing someone so badly, you jump in head first without looking. And there's something to be learned from waiting all day for a train that's never coming. And there's something to be proud of about moving on and realizing that real love shines golden like starlight, and doesn't fade or spontaneously combust.

Maybe I'll write a whole album about that kind of love if I ever find it. But this album is about the other kinds of love that I've recently fallen in and out of. Love that was treacherous, sad, beautiful, and tragic.

But most of all, this record is about love that was red.

- Taylor Swift

This just summed up everything I have ever felt. And it is amazing because Taylor Swift's last album synched up perfectly with how I felt - and now this album, and especially this prologue, has managed to sum up those feelings. The feelings that I have been to confused to name. Just, wow. Thank you, Taylor.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Sookie Stackhouse...

So this year for Halloween I wanted to be something cute and clever and ended up coming up with Sookie Stackhouse (from true blood).

I thought I was being so unique, but Brooke has shattered my dreams of that and told me that Cosmo magazine has rated it one of the top 10 costumes for the year. Oops.

But anyway, let me explain why I thought this was so clever.

Sookie Stackhouse is a simple girl who lives in the south, who works at a restaurant.. BUT SHE CAN READ MINDS. And loves vampires because she can't read their minds. And turns out she can read minds because shes a partial fairy. But doesnt have fairy wings but really is a fairy. Who normally wear wings.

So I was like. Sweet. I'll wear a waitress outfit. And I LOVE VAMPIRES pin. Make it obvious im telepathic (IE HAVE A SHIRT THAT SAYS TELEPATHIC WAITRESS). Make some bite marks on my neck with lotsa blood. And then slap on some fairy wings. BAM. Ultra confusing and ultra awesome.

I'm pretty excited because I am pretty sure no one is going to get the costume. But YOLO. Confusing halloween costumes are like the story of my life. Once I was zebra fairy that was also a ballerina. So, yeah. Sookie Stackhouse is right up my alley.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Welcome to 2012.

This year for my birthday I put together a wish list on pinterest to kind of help give everyone some ideas on the stuff I liked...

Well... I ended up getting almost everything off my list, and realized that HEY! THIS WORKS REALLY WELL!

So now for christmas my mom actually ASKED me to make a pinterest board for my chirstmas wishlist - which is just too funny.

And weird.

Remember actually spending hours writing out your lists to santa? Those were the days...

Welcome to 2012.

Ps - you can check out my christmas list here if you want some ideas :) clicky clicky

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Confessions, By Kelsey.

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm thrown and I dont know what to do


But Seriously. These are some random confessions that I must make:

When I was like, 8, my family and I went to Cedar Point and we got apple slices smothered in caramel sauce... and I saw a piece of an apple that still had the sticker on it - and my step dad grabbed it and I watched him eat the apple slice even though I knew it still had the sticker on it.

When I am chewing gum it gets to this point where I can't even control myself and I HAVE to swallow the gum. Its like I got all hulk and just swallow like its the last thing I am going to do.

When I was younger I stole an eraser from a buck or two (remember that store?).. Not because I wanted to steal shit but because my mom always bought the white erasers (which are waaaay better) but I was always jealous of my friends that had the pink erasers. so i stole one, because I knew my mom would say "no, pink erasers are stupid and dont work well (because they are and they don't).

There have been not one, BUT TWO times at forever21 where I've watched the lady ring through my clothes and take the ink tags off of the clothes and put the clothes in the bag - and not rang through an item on accident but still took off the ink tag so I got free clothes. And I feel HORRIBLE about it and thats all I can think when I wear the clothes. Because I knew better.

Thats all I can think of but I feel a lot better now that those are off my back.

I AM FREE!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Hobbies.

If you are anything like me, then you went through your life trying EVERYTHING. Well, I mean, not everything (still haven't tried muscles), but most hobbies I have tried and I have given up on.

A few months ago at a convention where executive directors of family health teams got together (and I was lucky enough to tag along) we had to go around the room and mention our hobby. So instead of saying "golf" or "knitting" like a normal person I say Justin Bieber.

Seriously. I tried everything though. Hockey, ringette, figure skating, gymnastics, dance, soccer, basketball, floor hockey, golf, piano, flute, voice lessons. You name it, I've tried it.

But nothing ever inspired me when I was younger. So I just stopped trying. I never had an inspiration to try something new. And because I wasn't good at anything or I didn't have a hobby I figured what was the point.

But after getting an autographed acoustic guitar, I am INSANELY inspired to learn the guitar and have been practicing every night. My fingers on my left hand actually hurt trying this out because they have no callouses and the strings are cutting into them.

But its so fun, having an inspiration and wanting to learn something.

And when I told my mom I was so inspired she was so happy for me, because I now had a hobby. And honestly, its only been a few days but I already feel happier. Its just something to do when there is nothing to do. But, really, more than that you get to feel like you are really accomplishing something. Something a lot more than my old hobby of watching tv.

I really hope this sticks.. Its already really frustrating but thats because I play for 2 mins and my fingers ache. But I am so ready to take on a hobby. Do you guys have hobbies? Are they the same hobbies you've always had? Or did you, like me, come into your hobby at an older age?

Monday, October 15, 2012

How Do You Come Back?

"As you move on in your life and move into maturity, you have to take the experience with you as memories.. and not as reality."

- Nick Jonas 10/11/12


How do you come back after the most amazing weekend of your life?

Seriously?

How do you do it? How do you go back to reality when you have just spent the last few days living your dream? Reality just pales in comparison.

I'm not ready to blog about my experience yet. Which I know, is lame... but I just am so overwhelmed by it and so happy and so sad and so everything. But right now I will just ask you guys for advice for coming down from such a high.

From such a dream come true. A dream you spent years perfecting..... and despite all that, for one day only, the dream got to be lived out - in a more perfect way than I could have ever imagined it.....

How do you go back to reality without totally crashing?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

What's your Dream?

This is me being cheesy and inspirational. So bear with me.

What is your dream? I am not talking about the kind of dream that is easily attainable or even like... normal, I am talking about that one ridiculous dream you have.

Seriously. We all have them. So what is yours?

Mine was meeting the Jonas Brothers. It has been for a really long time. I actually wrote out letters TO them in my spare time explaining why we need to meet and why we would fall in love.

It used to be all I ever thought about.

But things change as time goes on...
And maybe that dream isn't as prominent in your life, but for me..
it never went away. Even though I got other interests and different desires, the Jonas thing never left me.

And now my dream is coming true. Which really makes me think that if you really believe in your dreams, you will always find a way to make it happen. And this doesn't even mean right away.

My dream is coming true like 5/6 years after I started to dream it. And back then, I NEVER thought it could EVER happen and it made me miserable.


But now, just when I stopped thinking and obsessing about it... it is happening.

Good things come to those who wait, right? And they also always say that things happen when you aren't trying to make them happen.

So.....

Awesome.

Don't give up on your dreams. Thats all. If this could happen to me then your dreams can happen too!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Thankful.

Every year at thanksgiving my family does that "lame" thing where everyone around the table says something that they are thankful for. Turns out, it isn't lame at all. It is actually incredible. And I think its a really necessary thing that families should do more often, because a lot of the times we take family for granted... So even if it is once a year it is nice to hear some appreciation.

Because my blog is my journal I just thought I'd share what I'm thankful for this year.

I am thankful....

For every single one of you that has stuck around me and helped me through everything. I am so thankful for everyone that didn't turn their heads on me ever, and were ready to be there for me when I needed it the most. This year was BEYOND hard for me. And the people that stuck through it and more so HELPED me through it. The people that never allowed me to give up when giving up was all I felt like I could do. Words will never ever be able to describe the amount I am thankful for that. That includes my family, but it also includes my friends and my roommates. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart - thanks.


I am also thankful for Frankie (who is sleeping on my feet as I type this, btw). Because believe it or not that little guy is my little motivator. I got him at such a hard time, and I believe if it weren't for him I wouldn't have been able to stop dwelling on the bad stuff. But because of him I had to put my life aside and take care of his. And because of that I got so much love and friendship. It really is amazing how happy he makes me. Life is better now, and I don't need him like I used to need him - in that sad, broken kind of way.. but I still need him. Because he has become so much more than a dog. He is my life.

Anddddd... I am thankful for the Jonas Brothers and that I get to meet them in 3 days. LOL. I remember 3 years ago at thanksgiving I said I was thankful for my sister Bonnie because she met the Jonas Brothers and allowed me to speak to them via cell phone and thus was thankful for the Jonas Brothers... This year I didn't say it at supper but, I am thankful for them. And moreso (truly) the friendships they have brought me.

I am just really thankful. Really and truly thankful for everything. I am so thankful that I made it through another year a stronger and happier woman. And I could never have done it without all of you wonderful people who know who you are.

So,

Thanks.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Second hand LOVE

So today was a random little day. Me, my mom and sister, and my sister's friend decided to cross the border for lunch! It was just going to be a quick little trip - but we ended up stopping at a few stores and I reeeeally had my eyes opened....

Opened to second hand stores.

Sure. There are some out there that are a little bit... well... gross. The clothes are dated and you really can never find something regardless how hard you look. But there are other places, if you can scout them out, that have AMAZING clothes - for cheap ol prices.

We went to this place, and we all ended up getting something. The clothes were all adorable. It reminded me of a store where people like, my age with my fashion sense gave the clothes that we no longer wore anymore.

And really - what's wrong with that. You give it a wash and its good to go.

We stopped at a ton of stores, and really even though some of them were duds it just felt really good to kind of explore and do something new. Instead of doing the exact same routine over and over.

Change is good.

And saving change at second hand stores is pretty good, too.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Big Weekends = Big Memories

Big weekends bring back big memories which bring big emotions.

Just remember what life was a year or two ago, at this day, at this time.... it just makes you feel a little weird. And it makes you (well, it makes me - anyway) feel the way I felt back then. But it is totally inappropriate because everything is different.

But its big weekends that bring back the smallest things... because they were attached to such a big time (thanksgiving) they become these things that we never forget. It doesn't even matter what they are - we are less likely to forget them because we are less likely to forget this weekend.

This year my life feels totally unremarkable. And thats the first time in a WHILE this weekend has brought with it no exceptional feelings or stories. Life is good and totally on track... but it just doesn't have that same excitement it used to.

I don't know if I like it.


Sure, in the past maybe things were a little rockier. A little sadder. A little hard to deal with.

But it is also hard to think that life has lost that little spark of excitement.

Is this what growing up is?

And all these thoughts... These deep thoughts... All come into my head because of random memories that I randomly remember because of the bigness of the weekend.

Happy Thanksgiving.