ATTENTION ALL MY WONDERFUL JONAS FRIENDS.
yall have changed my life. And I know the past few days I've been tweeting some seemingly crazy things.. So here I go explaining it all to you. Please read it all, and please try to understand
Most of you know I've had a rough go at life.. I was always damaged, but had great friends and family.. Except I couldn't love them back because I never loved myself and I always felt like I didn't deserve their love
I was depressed. Plain and simple. And undiagnosed because I could put on a happy face and still take part in activities and keep up with school and go out with friends.. But I was never happy
I was broken. I literally was a big broken mess of a girl. I could not be happy.
Then it happened.
One Sunday afternoon in January 2008 I decided to go onto YouTube and stumbled across a Jonas video. Long story short.. 5 hours later I was hooked. These boys made me feel incredible from inside out.. Even thinking about that feeling right now makes me smile despite the tears that are pouring down my cheeks. I found a source of happiness. Something that I never had.
It was possible for me to love something so hard, and not be worried about rejection or letting them down. I spent all my time reading Jonas mags and covering all my walls and notebooks with pictures. I had something that I could always go to whenever I got sad.
Then my roommate situation got out of control, and I had FFE. ask my mom, you guys saved my life. If it wasn't for those Jonas boys and for you amazing friends I would have become so lost and lonely and helpless. You became my world. My everything.
in nov 2009, just after I started to really know you guys.. And I started feeling real happiness without the help of the Jonas brothers.
I can't explain it.. But when I smile these days it still blows my mind to feel when it's a real smile that makes me feel the way the Jonas Brothers used to make me feel.
I am so thankful for the Jonas brothers. They got me through life. They allowed me to meet you.
But now, my love for them isn't the same. And that's why I'm so upset. Yesterday I never got excited.. During soundcheck I could only focus on all the negatives, not the amazing things like touching Frankie.. And I just knew...
The dream was over.
I am going to be a mess on sept 3 because that will be my goodbye to the Jonas brothers. They saved me, they changed me, they were once my everything.. But that part of me has gone, and I just feel out of place at their shows.
It kills me that I never got to meet them, because I would love for them to know that they got me through so much, and thanks to them I was able to smile when it felt like it was impossible to. I will try so hard to get the mic during soundcheck and ask them what it feels like to have the power and the charm to change lives.. And let them know they changed mine.
I will always be a fan, always. I just no longer need to see them 3 times during a tour to feel satisfied. I don't need front row to know that feeling of complete happiness they brought me.
My memories are incredible and are nothing but smiles..
Because I knew them I have been changed for good.
I'm a wreck. But I'm happy I understand my feelings. Last night was all anger and confusion.. Today it is a goodbye..
I will still be excited about Jonas. I'm not leaving you guys or the special Jonas bond we have.. I'm just leaving that one part of me behind, and it feels so right. I hope you understand. I love you all more than you know.
Peace, love and forever Jonas,