Saturday, August 4, 2012

Saturday Special: MOLLY - Modern Day Mating

Hello there folks, for those of you who don’t know who I am, I will introduce myself… I am Molly Mercier college student that is great friends with the one and only lovely dovely Kelsey Edwards. (suggestor of my bloggage)

If you couldn’t already tell I’m new at this whole blogging thing but kelso suggested that I take a crack at it due to the lovely fact that is being UNEMPLOYED this summer has turned into the most boring unproductive time of my life, so bear with me folks. As soon as I began to ponder my thoughts of what to blog about I thought about what the one thing always on everyone’s minds (well seems to always be on my mind lately cause I Have so much free “me” time) hooking up, dating etc. basically anything to do with attracting or repelling the opposite sex.

Now me being a single gal, (and not just now, I mean always) folks think I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about when it comes to this topic, but trust a brutha, having a large group of girls with a large group of different personalities, I think I pretty much have heard/seen it all therefore I can tell what to do and what not to do when it comes to gettin’ it in or not.
I also have a few tips for some guys to stop being such douche lords all the time… not trying to stereotype but you guys know; a lot of you are assholes.

GIRLS

First off ladies, you need to change your female brains into the brain of a penis… as weird as that sounds considering penis’ don’t have brains, but if you aren’t retarded you’ll get what I’m saying.

If a guy says to you “I’m sorry babe, I know you were supposed to come over tonight, but I’m really tired. Have a good one,” what would be your immediate reaction? A lot of girls would get super pissed off and start to bitch, or even worse, over analyze… STOP IT NOW! The more you question something and the more you complain, the penis brain will not be happy and eventually stop caring to even put up with you. Try putting yourself in your man’s shoes.

A second thing ladies, if you are single (like myself) I feel like exploring your options is the best thing you could ever do. Don’t tie yourself down until you’ve tasted every colour of the rainbow. When you know what you like, look for it, otherwise stop settling for the first guy who will sleep with you more than once, trust me, you can do A LOT better.
This is also where thinking with your non-existent penis comes in. Stop putting your heart in your vagina… we all know most guys who bang you right away, aren’t in it for the long run so stop being so hurt when they don’t text you back. Try thinking with your boner, and just bang who you want without thinking you’re gunna get married after. 1) its not cute and 2) you’re gunna get hurt. HELLLLLO.

Last but not least ladies, BOOTYCALLS. Now this word is typically construed with negativity, however I see nothing wrong with responding to a bootycall, go have fun…just know that just because he invited you over (at two am LOL) doesn’t mean he likes you, it means he wants to get his dick wet. If you are ok with this idea great, good on yah you’ll get laid (where’s the bad in that). Also ladies, don’t be afraid to send out your own bootycalls…it’s not just a guy thing anymore. I understand there’s a fear of rejection for most of us out there but honestly if a guy says no to no strings attached sex, it’s his loss ONTO THE NEXT ONE. But let’s be real here if you’ve been sleeping with a guy for a while and you’re really hoping for something to happen with them more than just sex, imagine the shocker if you threw out the occasional “No I’m good, thanks though.” TRY IT OOT, it will either show you if the guy is a total asshole or actually worth your time.

BOYS

Now boys I think I’ve given you quite a bit of help by trying to whip these ladies into shape, so when I say this keep in mind I’m just trying to help you out, but seriously is there any good ones left out there?!
First off, let’s just say if you’re not into a girl who’s trying to pursue you let her know firsthand. Don’t just ignore her, or bang her cause you know you can if you pretend you like her. And when I say let her know, no matter how annoying she is being, try to be nice about it. If she doesn’t get it after the first time… I give you permission to be a douche, BUT THEN AND ONLY THEN.

Second off… in case you didn’t notice, chivalry is not dead. What happened to the good ol’fashioned date. Why not instead of when you think you’re interested in someone, call them (yes call do not text) and ask them if you could take them out to dinner or a movie. You may think I sound corny, but seriously if someone did that to me, I would be under a spell, and I bet any other girl you ask also, cause lets face it that kinda shit doesn’t happen anymore. And to be honest whether you like it or not if you take someone on a date and treat them right, they’re more than likely ready to rip your clothes off ASAP .

Another thing boys don’t understand, if you bang a girl, and its good enough and she isn’t a crazy pants, TRY DOING IT AGAIN. It’s not the worst thing in the world to have a great time bumping uglies repeatedly. But only continue to bang if you know that’s all she wants, if she likes you let her down easy pleasy?

DON’T BE A DOUCHE, Christ all mighty…. There is the word “friends” in the term friends with benefits. Get a clue.

OK kids, I hope my words of wisdom have been good to you all, (and hopefully not offended anyone) That was my first try and I hope it was ok..

No comments:

Post a Comment