Tuesday, May 29, 2012

my blog, my rant

Since graduation, I kind of have had a lot of breakdowns, like hugely emotional breakdowns, where my heart just feels like it is being ripped into a million pieces over and over with no sign of stopping. This isn't because I miss Guelph, and it isnt because trying to find jobs, or even trying to figure out what I want to be in life is frustrating.

Its because I finally realize that all those expectations I had as a child are finally coming to the breaking point. They are either going to happen, or they aren't.

We all have dreams, you are lying to yourself if you say you don't... but we grew up, and most of us realized some of those dreams just aren't realistic. I don't know, for some reason I NEVER got past that. I just didn't know how to separate dreams from reality.

For example, there was a time (a very long time) where with my whole entire self thought that Joe Jonas was going to fall in love with me. And not even like every other fan thought so, I thought if I had a moment I would totally swoon him and that would be it. That would be my life. Every day it didn't happen it literally hurt me. Just thinking about it gives me that same feeling in my stomach, that feeling that you just want something SO bad. And I didn't think it was stupid, or just a pipe dream. nope, never. It always seemed attainable to me.

That is how every other picture of the future I ever conjured seemed. It wasn't so much a dream as it was something that just was going to happen. That I didn't really have to worry about it because I was just destined for this, or this was what I was going to do. It sounds cocky and whatever, but I always felt like I was going to be something a lot more than what I am. I thought I was going to change the world. And that I was going to change it doing something that I loved and that inspired me every day.

But now, its like... That isn't happening. And a normal person would probably be okay with that because they learned a long time ago that dreams aren't always realistic. But when I dream, I dream effin hard. And I don't know. Now it feels like I am failing myself. Its not like I am not happy and I am not proud of myself and all that I have accomplished.. its just like, I finally realized that all those amazing things I believed so so soooooo truly about my life and my future, well, they just aren't happening. And that hurts. It feels really really really crappy. It makes me sad. Whatever, growing up is alright... but realizing those dreams are over? that isn't.

We are told to follow our dreams, right? But what we should be told is to "let your dreams inspire you, but make them into something realistic, and then follow those". There is nothing wrong with dreaming, but we just have to understand those dreams and not let out life and our happiness revolve around those.


Well said, Mitch Hedberg. Well said.

4 comments:

  1. This is a good one :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. if dreams were achievable they wouldn't be dreams, they'd be goals. we need dreams because they aren't achievable, they give us something to strive for. let go of them and what do you have left, some more boring realistic crap. dream big, you've got nothing to lose.

    ReplyDelete
  3. good point. i guess that is true... but in my case, my dreams werent really dreams. i didnt view them like i should have. i viewed them as these things that were going to come true. like i didnt see any other option in my life. i love dreaming, but i love it more when i know i have a life OTHER than just my dreams.. ya know what im trying to say?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for being so honest Kelsey! It reminds people that they're not alone in dreaming, in sometimes getting carried away with those, even when we know they're unrealistic, and being disappointed that our dreams didn't come true. But don't stop dreaming big. You'll eventually get everything you wanted, and probably lots of things you didn't know you wanted til you had them :) You'll change the world, and you'll do it with something that inspires you and makes you happy, you just might have to wait a little while longer to figure it out! Don't give up hope!

    ReplyDelete