Thursday, March 15, 2012

Kelsey Edwards' Complete Guide For A Shamrockin' St. Patricks Day!!!

How to have an awesome St. Patty's day, by Kelsey Edwards.

1. Puppies make everything better

2. Puppies dressed in St. Patty's gear make everything EXTRA better

3. There is no such thing at "too early"

4. Everyone is your best friend on st. pats, so treat them as such

5. Feeling the st. patty's pressure and wanting to give up? oh wait its only noon? No worries! That is what white kraft dinner was created for! have someone make you a pot and wait for them patiently to spoon feed you it while you just take a nice little break on the bathroom floor.

6. Speaking of bathrooms, NEVER underestimate the value of a pee break. Holding it in too long is just dangerous to your overall fun. And if you MUST go outside, make sure no sneaky bylaw officer is around. Because he will threaten you with a $300 ticket and make you feel scared but I know you will be able to CHARM your way out of it... but its better to just avoid that situation all together and take lots of pee breaks. (see that face? you cant BUY that kind of satisfaction)

7. Stealing other people's green gear is okay when it is st. pattys day

8. St Patty's is a lot like halloween, in that you are allowed to dress as slutty as you want and NOT be judged for it.

9. But if you don't feel like being slutty, make a hilarious and punny shirt. Here is a website you may use for inspiration if you are not funny enough on your own. you're welcome.

10. If there is EVER a dull moment... turn it into a DANCE PARTY. People love dance parties.

11. I know I have already mentioned kraft dinner... but we are now moving on to another food topic, cleverly called "food". EAT LOTS OF IT. All day. The greasier the better. The leprechauns are working extra hard so you will burn every single calorie that you consume so no worries there. Just eat lots and you will last a lot longer.

12. If you are in guelph, don't order food at trappers. It takes way too long on st. pattys day, and you might find yourself in a similar situation that I once found myself... aka going to the bar and grabbing onion rings off of people's plates and then getting scolded and then running away.

13. Hydration is really important so be sure to drink lots of beer.

14. Surround yourself with the greatest people you know.

15. Be fearless and meet new people. People are extra friendly on st. pattys day.

16. However, when meeting new people be careful not to scare them off.. by being weird and telling inside jokes as a way to break the barrier. Most people do not watch curb your enthusiasm and may be very confused when you approach them going "PRETTY GOOD! PRETTAY PRETTAY PRETTAY GOOD!" ... just saying

17. Also, don't be TOO weird

18. Paint your nails to match your overall greenness. It's a nice touch, ladies. Here is a site with awesome ideas youre welcome, again.

19. Don't stop. Naps are generally a terrible idea, you might be out for good.

20. Go with the flow. Don't be tied down by a tight schedule. Live a little and just... be.

21. Although shot glasses on a necklace SOUND like they are a good idea.. they are not. They are a terrible idea... avoid them at all costs.

22. Be safe. I know, sounds lame.. but what is even lamer is having your memory of St. Pats be ruined because you got too drunk, got hit by a green bus, and died. Know your limits, push em a bit, and bam - you're good to go.

23. HAVE FUN LOL!!!!

24. Designate the day after st. pats to relaxing with friends, mcflurries, and a dude in a morph suit.

That is all I can think of... if you have any ideas that would make this even better, just put them in the comment box below. Love ya'll!

1 comment:

  1. I love how you "keep it green". You're so organic......