Sunday, February 5, 2012

the memory.

Yes, I admit, I am titanic crazy. But there is one line that gets me more than every other line. It is the line that breaks me into a million emotional pieces. The line that makes me think about life, and think about how much we need to treasure those in it.

"Now you know that there was a man named Jack Dawson and he saved me, in every way a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him. He exists now only in my memory."

People come in and out of our lives. Sometimes for a long time, and sometime for a short time. But the length doesn't matter. Someone can have the biggest impact on your life one day, and be gone the next. But they are never really gone..

I keep thinking about the lyrics from my heart will go on... "every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on." They still exist. In your memory.

The memory is such an amazing place. To think, that everyone that has ever affected our life lives on there. Sometimes we are supposed to let go, but the memory is such a deep place that they never really leave. There are a lot of people I love that exist now only in my memory. And a lot of events.

And I am a bit better off than Rose... I do have pictures of most people.. But pictures only mean something because of the memory that it is associated with. We don't need a picture to feel the hurt of missing someone or something. Maybe it helps us to remember.. but a picture is only a memory captured momentarily.

The mind is crazy. Everything about us is controlled by neurons firing around. One bad head bonk and you can lose the ability to recognize faces, or spell words with vowels. Scientists for YEARS have been trying to unlock the wonders of the brain... and no one has fully understood it. In my cognitive neuroscience class, every chapter is basically like "so this is what we thiiiiiiink, and there is a lot of evidence, but we cant be sure yet."

So messed up. There is just so much ambiguity surrounding how the brain works... and that is crazy! You know? Considering this is the place that houses all our memories...

Our thoughts...

Our feelings...

Your memory can be your best friend. Holding on to everything. EVERYTHING. Seriously, everything that you have ever known. Or ever felt. Or ever experienced. It's there to look back on, and remember. Remember the laughter and the happinesses you felt.. Remember the love for the people that gave you those feelings.. But for the exact same reasons, your memory can be your worst enemy. It houses all the hurt as well. The memory keeps the big things, the things that in one way or another changed us.

I don't know if I really have a point here, I am kind of just gabbing on. But that line above from Titanic really makes me ache. A deep ache. It is a quote that doesn't leave me, ever. And it makes me think. And it makes me realize how small we all are. That at the end of it all, we end up just being memories...

And that is a sad and scary thing to really think about...

I don't want to just be a memory.

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