Monday, January 31, 2011

haters make you famous

I don't agree with that title. But it is something that has stuck in my head for the past year, because a girl from FFE was so mean to all of us, and when we said something back to her - her response was "haters make you famous". At that point, I totally understood. She was intentionally making us mad to get a reaction, and it worked. To this day we all know exactly who she is, and it was because we "hated" her.

That, my friends, is a very self absorbed thing to do. I am actually pretty hurt right now that some anonymous person would write on my formspring and tell me that I am self absorbed. Here is a definition "preoccupied with one's own thoughts, emotions, life, etc." Uhm, okay. Not so much. A big problem in my life right now is that I can't stop thinking about people and their problems. I have sent out so many loving emails offering my help to a family that REALLY needs it right now, and I did not do that because I am self-absorbed. I did that because I genuinely care about them, and would do anything for them.

My emotions have always played a large role in my life, but I mean - they are emotions. I care about mine, and trying to maintain a happy mood. But I also care about others. Ask anyone, I am always there to give advice. And I will never judge you if you come to me. The only times I judge is when you personally do something to me. Despite the gossip and everything I have heard about you, when I meet you I will never let those things cloud my opinion of you. You prove yourself to me, others don't.

I am actually hurt. I really am not self absorbed. I do not even get why someone would ever say that to me. They clearly do not know me, and misjudge things I do. Of course I am working on self-love, it is completely necessary to live a happy life, but its not always there. I am a girl, with problems, but I do not need to always project them onto other people to feel good about myself. I do not always need to talk about myself when talking to others. I just, I don't get it.

I would never want to be famous because of haters, because being hated on is a terrible feeling.

As always - peace & love,

Kelsey

Sunday, January 30, 2011

drunken sleepovers.

apparently, all I require is a turkey sandwich, a large glass of water, and triple moisture lotion. sick!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

lets take a trip into the subconscious

I think Kid Cudi was thinking about me when he wrote the lyrics "tell me what you know about the night terrors, every night..." and I am pretty sure his response would be "you don't really know about nothing, nothing". Because really, that is the story of my life right now. And it actually has been for about a year.

I have nightmares. Every single night. I heard nightmares mean that you are an artistic person, but, I am tired of them. Most nights they are pretty mild, and don't involve a terrifying situation - but more or less a really stressful social situation. I have a recurring dream of that type, and although it isn't terrifying, it really disrupts my sleep. Sometimes my nightmares get really bad, I have had 2 rape dreams and they were both horrible. After a dream like that it becomes almost impossible to get back to sleep. The images are so vivid in my head, and it just haunts me, and stays with me for days. (side note. one of those dreams involved a boy who must have been in one of my classes and I saw but didn't realize, then right before an exam last winter I saw him and immediately recognized him as the rapist. MESSED UP!).

I know, its been about a year and I have done nothing about it. Why? I don't really know. Although the dreams are bothersome and definitely disrupt my sleep I haven't really thought of it as being a major problem. Today though, things got a little bit intense - and I am now ready for a change. I have a really long and terrible dream, not going into details, but my mom and step dad died in a plane crash (not to mention they are going to the caymens on saturday) and it was awful. I woke up, and I couldn't move. My whole body was shaking and I had obviously been crying (mascara stains all down my face). It still is bothering me right now, my stomach just aches. So I googled "how to stop nightmares" and this is the best I got

* The best solution for such a scenario is to talk about it. Discussing and dissecting your nightmares with a friend, family member or a therapist will definitely help.
* Drinking a warm glass of milk before you go to bed will also ease your brain while you are asleep, and negate the effect of some disturbing nightmares.
* Keeping a soft toy or some other comfort inducing article next to you while you sleep also helps many people avoid scary nightmares.
* Some people even find that the intake of sleeping pills helps in achieving a peaceful sleep. This is a risky solution though, as they are addictive. Withdrawal from them suddenly can make matters even worse.

Well, I tell my mom about my dreams all the time - there is no lack of communication here! Like, the one stressful social situation that has become a recurring dream could probably be stopped, but I just do not have the emotional strength to deal with it directly anymore, the best I can do is talk to my friends. And I drink milk before bed almost every night. I have my princess bunny with me every night in Guelph, and Cuddly the bear with me in Chatham. And I will pass on the sleeping pills, I do need to wake up in time to make it to my 8:30 classes.

Any ideas what is going on? I definitely was not abused as a child and had an amazing upbringing. Altogether I would say I have become an extremely happy and satisfied person, with very few things to complain about. School has never been an issue in terms of causing me stress. I just really don't know what to do.

Monday, January 24, 2011

pearls are a girls best friend

I feel like most girls grow up with a similar fantasy in their minds. Meet boy. Fall in love. Get amazing diamond ring. Live happily ever after. I, of course, differ from that slightly. In my fantasy I receive a beautiful antique-looking pearl ring, and then I live happily ever after.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to receive a diamond ring - I have nothing against diamonds. But pearls... oh how I love pearls. If you look at my pictures, in a majority of them I will have a set of pearl earrings in, or perhaps a pearl necklace. This has been true for quite some time.

Two years ago for christmas, all I wanted was a pearl necklace. This Christmas I asked for an expansion on my earring collection (and I got exactly what I wanted!)

hehehe, yes. That is indeed my collection. Not to mention right now I am currently wearing my pair of fresh-water black pearl earrings. They are teeny tiny (well, tiny compared to some of those huge mothers in there), but I love them. Mostly because they have a purple tint to them. So on days where I wear purple, like today, they really stand out and look awesome!

What is it about pearls that I like so much, to the point where diamonds are almost obsolete in my eyes? I think it is how much work the little oyster goes into making it, all because it was irritated and wanted to protect itself from something that could be as small as a grain of sand!! And only 1 in about 10,000 oysters make pearls - which makes them incredible rare. That is what a natural pearl is.. so, being honest here, most of my pearls are definitely NOT natural pearls because I am a student and I cannot afford to buy real pearls. Most of my pearls probably aren't even cultured pearls.. most of them are beyond fake - but they still represent something so magical and really, I just love the way they look. Pearls to me symbolize class and elegance (not to say that diamonds don't). Anyway, kind of pointless post - but I just love pearls. Like, a-ridiculously-lot.

Do you have any items of jewelery that mean more to you than others?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

weekend

weekends tend to be that time of the week that everyone looks forward to the most. No classes, we get to sleep in.. watch movies... be lazy...

unless you are kelsey edwards. and really, thats a lie. my weekends are usually bliss, this one however, was nuts.

thursday night i drove home to chatham (yay- home) and was pretty exhausted, but practiced parallel parking with my daddy for an hour or so. and then i read some school stuff, and went to sleep. I woke up at 8 (which is CRAZY for me) and started driving around chatham doing stupid random errands, basically to practice my driving. and it was worth it, because I GOT MY G!!!!!! YAY PARTY TIME WOO!
then we had a brief, but awesome, girls night. and then today, finally, i got to lounge around basically all day and be lazy and happy.

here is my weekend in picture form. i hope you appreciate the greatness!

yes, i did paint her nails to match my own

now i am OFFICIALLY a straight up G. holla.

stelllllaaaaaaa!!!!!

hope everyone had a good weekend. you all rock. but not as much as i do, because im a G driver... yeah....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

X I MMX

UPDATE: I have already decided against this, I don't think it would feel right on - but keep reading if you would like

As most of you know, I am a tattooed lady. I'm sitting happily at 4, but I can also feel the itch to get a new one. However, I am not too sure what exactly I want... But I am thinking it might be a good idea to add to one of my current tattoos - and so I would like your feedback!

So I got this baby back in 2009 (wow, almost 2 years ago, I am getting old) and this is my most recent tattoo. It also means the most to me. My oma translated it from engligh to german for me (because she is from Germany) and roughly it means (and yes, I know there is a typo LOL)

"Count your life by smiles, not tears. You made me smile. I will forever miss you"

And underneath, in roman numerals, is the date that my beautiful dog, Millie, passed away. I love my tattoo so much, and I honestly feel so proud to have a dog that was special enough to inspire a tattoo! And this sounds morbid, and I am not even sure if I like the idea of this myself... but I was thinking of adding another date underneath it "X I MMX" which is Nov 1, 2010 - the day my Grandma Edwards passed away.

Would that be weird? Like, I really really love her and I miss her so much - but would it be weird to have a tattoo that is a bunch of death dates? I dunno! I need to really really think about it, and this is just the totally initial stages of tattoo planning. But Let me know what you think-ski. I love the tattoo so much as it is, I think its gorgeous and super meaningful (unlike my stupid foot tattoo....) so yeah! feedback would be awesome!

Peace, love & Jonas,
Kelsey

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

my challenge to you

i have a challenge for you all, it sounds simple, but really i think it is a lot harder than you would think.

once a day...
every day...
for the rest of your lives...

you need to look at yourself and remind yourself of at least one thing you love about yourself. It can be anything. As long as you can really look at yourself critically and focus on the positives then you are good! Like, you can see something bad - and then correct it with something positive!

In my experience it is SO much easier to look at myself and see all the things I hate, and I seem to then dwell on these things for days. These are the thoughts that ruin me, but they are also the easiest to think. Its so easy to look back and blame everything on all the short comings you have had, and to think "if I were just a bit better, just a little prettier, just a bit funnier", that things would be different.

Well, news flash: you cant change the past so stop dwelling on it! Focus on making you the best you that you possibly can. And that is only possible through self love, and sometimes it does require self improvement. Trust me, when you are a happy person and are truly happy inside-out - people WILL notice, and they will flock to you. Why should you expect others to like you and appreciate you if you can't even appreciate yourself? That's a lesson that we all need to learn, I know I'm not alone in that! I think you are all beautiful people- so I want you to feel really beautiful about yourselves, too! That is why I'm asking you to tell yourself what you like about you each and every day!

Here, I'll go first:
My skin is really itchy, all the time. But, because I moisturize it 2-4 times a day to relieve itchiness, I have skin that is softer than a baby's. So, I love how I have the softest skin and that my friends enjoy petting my arms from time to time :)

Monday, January 17, 2011

scars

They are honestly so cool, and just show the magic of the human body. What a scar is, is an area of tissue on the surface (can be on an internal surface too) that has been damaged - and has tried to heal itself by making fibrous tissues to seal it together. Scars can never be completely removed, despite what you might have heard - because scar tissue is completely different, and sadly inferior, to regular skin tissue.

But who cares? Each scar tells a story, whether epic or not. And I am quite proud of say that I have quite a few of them.. Some stories are less epic and more embarrassing, like the 5 or 6 scars I have on both of my kneecaps due to drunken falling. One scar I have that I see everyday makes me laugh, and think about growing up, because I was trying to hard to be an adult and cut the pineapple for my mom, but ended up slicing the side of my hand sooooo hard. A scar signifies a memory.


One of my best scars, and probably most noticeable, is this gem. I know, this is a terrible picture - but it is one of the only ones that actually shows it. I got this baby when I was just a baby, and although my memory surrounding it are fuzzy, i DEFINITELY remember it. I was a bit of a scaredy cat when I was little (~3 years old) and so I slept in my parents bed every night, right smack dab in between them. One night though, being the mature 3 year old I was, I decided to let mommy and daddy sleep next to each other and slept on the edge. OF COURSE I fell out of bed, and on my fall down I sliced my eye on the cabinet beside the bed. Ouch! I went to my mom and was like "mommmmmy, i fell out of the bed" and she like patted my head, and said "youre okay, go back to sleep." i bet she felt like a real good parent when she woke up in the morning to find me sleeping in a pool of blood! hahahaha, but anyway. I got 4 stitches, and they weren't frozen because it was in such a sensitive area.

Ever since then, I've been a badass.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

song meanings

I love music, but I love when I know the meaning behind a song. I love how just knowing the meaning can change EVERYTHING about the way you think about it.

I am a huge Taylor Swift fan, her songs are all so relatable.. especially the ones about Joe Jonas breaking her heart.. but most of them are something we can relate to. Her newest album, Speak Now, has some really amazing songs. My two favourites are: enchanted and long live. I just figured long live was about her becoming a celebrity. However, I was wrong. My friend Shelley just informed me that she wrote that song about graduation - and that changed EVERYTHING.

I re-listened to the song, and honestly sobbed. For those of you that haven't graduated yet, I dont know if you can relate to it on this level yet - but you will. Graduation often gets overlooked, but it is a huge part of our lives. It really signifies growing up for me. It really was the moment that you knew your life was just starting. So inspiring, and emotional.. I can't imagine what it will be like to go to university graduation, probably incredible. Just knowing, that this is it. We did it.

"the night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same"

"All the years we stood on the sidelines wishing for right now"

"it was the end of a decade, but the start of an age"

Long live, everyone! Live each day with passion and kindness.

If you haven't heard the song, you should definitely listen to it here

why am i just starting to obsess with this song?



if you have time, i recommend you watch the 35 minute video for this. its revolutionary. Kanye is SO back.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

this is for us

this is to 4 a.m. phone calls and tears that can't be wiped away by tissues.

this is to a cancer patient dying in the end, because she wasn't strong enough anymore.

this is to red wine and cigarettes on the bathroom floor, to the boy that didn't love her back.

this is to valued letters and notes that got lost in the washer, torn into a million little pieces.

this is for unwanted help, and most needed attention; to the girls that put up away messages in hopes he'll understand.

this is to not only the guys being heartbreakers, but the girls as well.

this is to the victims and victimizers; to the people that couldn't help it when they bled.

this is to those that had their hearts ripped from their sleeves.

this is to believing every lie.

this is to being sick to my stomach just thinking about him loving someone else.

this is to the pain i hold in every day.

this is to the escape i thought i found in him.

this is to those who live with a heart that has long since been broken.

this is to all the "what-if's" and the wishes that'll never come true.

this is to feeling so desperate, but can't help it, because all you want is them back.

this is to all the words you never said and to the ones we choke on.

this is to holding your breath in that one perfect moment and being terrified that you'll blink and it'll all be gone. this is to when it is all gone and you feel like you have nothing left.

this is to realizing that it wasn't your fault. and that they're never coming back.

this is to those who never got to say goodbye after saying something harsh before they left.

this is to everything you thought once meant something and never did.

this is to those who feel better aching than empty.

this is to what didn't happen.

this is to the tomorrows that are just another thing to get through.

this is to how i wish i'd never come that close to loving you.

this is to realizing that you are your own (and everyone else's) worst enemy.

this is to those who are dying to be alive.

this is to knowing a relationship may or may not work out, but taking the leap anyway.

this is to sticking your finger down your throat, in hopes that they'll accept you.

this is to every tear you've wasted on people who never cared.

this is to sitting and waiting for your phone to ring.

this is to being ignored and trying to being imperfectly perfect.

this is to finding him, and holding on tight.

this is to the girl behind that smile.

this is to those movies and magazines, the ones that make girls stop eating, stop breathing, stop caring.

this is to wanting to speak the most honest words you've ever spoken in your life, not knowing whether they should bring you closer to living or dying.

this is for all of us who cry with dry eyes.

this is for those who fall in love in their dreams, and wake up only to wish to be sleeping again.

this is to not knowing, and this is to not wanting to know.

this is to true love never ignited.

this is to prose and poetry and those with tender hearts.

this is to those who'll never get it, those who wonder where love starts.

this is to that one person who you think is the kindest, sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful person ever. this is to that one person who means everything.

this is to losing that one person.

this is to hoping that one day, we will realize we don't have to hurt others to make ourselves feel better.

this is to loving him, but having to say no to him.

this is to having him in your arms again, but knowing it won't last.

this is to those nights where you just can't sleep because every word they said to you replays, over and over.

this is to those days when you just stay at home, because your heart is too weak to take in laughing.

this is to those nights on the sidewalk where the two of you were the two of you again after so many years of changing.

this is to him telling your secrets that no one is supposed to know.

this is to the girl that puts on his jacket when she's cold. and this is to the guy that catches her smelling in his scent.

this is to letting go just as he starts to hold on.

this is to beautiful boys who are just beautiful friends.

this is to the ones that sit at home, lonely, hoping to find someone just like them.

this is to the people who constantly want to bring you down because you were successful and they couldn't come close.

this is to the boys that turned our hearts to glass just to shatter them and use the pieces to cut the wounds a little deeper.

this is to all the times i wish i had said no.

this is to all the times i knew what he was doing and i ignored it.

this is to regretting every single thing i have done.

this is to that tingly butterfly feeling you get when they're around.

this is to the night when feelings changed.

this is to the broken mirror and the blood on your ankle.

this is to the very first kiss.

this is to eye contact, avoiding it, keeping it, trying to hide it.

this is to feeling emotionless, and watching yourself bleed to know you still feel.

this is to that numb feeling that comes whenever you think about him, and the past.

this is to the girl that never gives up, this is to the boy that lets her give up.

this is for teaching yourself how to care, when it's the last thing you want to do.

this is to the ones who still care, reciting promises of forever.

this is to being so in love that it scares you.

this is to the words never spoken.

this is to the fragile ones and the ones that never let them bruise.

this is to those who attempt perfect, but know they'll never achieve it.

this is to those who fight for the weak and hopeless.

this is to those who never give up on their dreams, no matter what.

this is to the girls who pretend to be super girl, just to hide their pain.

this is to the boys that made them hurt.

this is for the children who cry themselves to sleep at night, wishing that their parent's loved them.

this is to those who survived and have become stronger, better people.

this is to the girl who has to see the blood to see the beauty.

this is to those who love that person more then they'll ever know, and have to live everyday wondering if they really care about you too.

this is for us.

addiction

guys. it's time i come out and say it.. i have an addition...

it's really quite serious

it's taking up my life.

and by life... i mean... my closet!

hahaha! I just recently realized how many clothes I have, and it is ridiculous! And yet, I always feel like I have "nothing to wear" or that I REALLY need that shirt. What I really need is a reality check.

Look at this:


Yeah, and what's worse is that - can you see the little dresser under my hanging clothes? - well, that is filled with all my tank tops, t-shirts, skirts, intimates... and then i have 2 giant bins of pajamas!

But as I type this, I really don't feel that bad about my "addiction". Because since grade 10 or so, my parents stopped paying for my clothes - so almost everything in there was purchased by my own money. And because I had to buy my own clothes, I learned what was a good deal! Most clothes in there range from $5-15 (including jeans).. and I would say a good fraction of those were "buy 1, get one for a penny!" So, whatever, I have a large clothes collection - but I bet most people out there have smaller ones that cost A LOT more than mine does!

Another reason that I don't feel bad is that, every since I can remember, we have donated old clothes to the diabetes foundation. It is just something we do, and it feels pretty good knowing that by donating clothes I don't wear anymore I am helping a foundation raise money for the research done for the people who need it most!

However. One thing I will NEVER donate: pajamas, especially pajama shirts. As I mentioned, I have 2 bins in Guelph filled with pajamas.. and in chatham? 2 extra large drawers filled to the brim with pajamas! So why can't I part with these? Because they have the most sentimental value. They are the shirts that I got from camps, or from sears drama, or on vacations - every shirt has some meaning attached with it, and I can't give that away. On saturday my family went out for dinner, and I wore an old "BANFF" shirt, thinking nothing of it. My whole family FLIPPED out, and had all these memories with the shirt and were like "that shirt is almost 15 years old!" Like, how cool is that?

I love clothes. I love shopping (in the states). I love a good deal. I love memories. I love YOU!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

why you so obsessed with me?

leave me alone, please. you probably know who you are. you need to stop. thanks. bye.

Monday, January 10, 2011

i'm not perfect

I swear too much

I have bad skin

I constantly obsess over my weight

When it comes to school, I've been pretty lazy

I check facebook way too often

It actually hurts my feelings when people don't comment my profile pictures

I cry often

I sleep all the time, naps are needed for me to function

I have a bad back/hips/neck/shoulders

My bunions are actually huge

Sometimes I make myself throw up when I'm stressed/feel fat

I care way too much what other people thing about me

I'm not even remotely healthy

BUT

I love me. A whole lot. Despite these things. 2011 is the year where I am going to become the best Kelsey that I possibly can. This involves fixing some of the above flaws I mentioned, especially the ones about swearing, being unhealthy, having bad body image issues.. but it also involves accepting the things I can't change (hello, bunions!) and actually starting to love those things. They are what makes me, ME! And I admit, I am pretty awesome. I can't be so hard on myself - because then the only thing I can expect is people to be hard on me back. Right? When I said love one another I really should have said love one another AND YOURSELF. Self-love is so important. And I'm 20 years old, it's about time I start.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Planet Earth

I think we can all agree that the world is an amazing place- but do you really know HOW amazing it is? I am sitting with my family watching planet earth as I type this, and I am seeing things that I never knew existed. My mind is honestly being blown (and I LOVE it). I recommend next time you want family time that you pick up any of the Planet Earth movies (right now we are watching LIFE: reptiles, it's pretty incredible.)

Here are some of my favourite things I've seen


Yep. Plain and simple: sand dunes. They are amazing and just so damn beautiful. It blows my mind that some creatures (like reptiles)actually live there, because it looks so perfect and untouched!

I now have a large fear of komoto dragons, what a scary creature. They are the largest venomous reptile in the world, and they really don't need to do much in order to take their prey's life. The komoto dragon just needs to take one little bite, and then leave.. the prey's wound never heals and after days of agony it finally will die, and komoto dragons feed upon it. Yuck!

SO CUTE! I fell in love with this little guy immediately, he is called a basilisk lizard or something like that- but has a hilarious nickname "Jesus Lizard". This is because it can literally run across water (and its so cute to watch).



Anyway, that's all for now! Wanted to share with you guys, hopefully it put a smile on your gorgeous faces! xoxo

Friday, January 7, 2011

my one life motto

people by nature are such mean creatures. I hate it. I hate bullying. I am beyond passionate about niceness and making sure everyone is treated the way they should be, that's why it hurts me so much when people think I'm a bitch. Because I am not, I totally just get misunderstood. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt someone. Most of my meanness comes when I am personally hurt, and I say things that I really regret and it has nothing to do with the person but everything to do with MYSELF. The thing that gets me the most is when people are mean to someone just by associations - or when it isn't there business and they aren't involved with the person. It's classic bullying. Everyone should love everyone initially, dislike should only come if that person has done something personally, and even then - forgiveness should be readily available. That brings me to my motto: Love One Another.
Yes, here it is. My first tattoo. It is a little bit emo, I know, but the meaning is so pure. A poor little girl with rags, and a nice looking girl with a pretty little dress. People from two different worlds, and despite this separation they are holding hands: they are loving one another. It reminds me every day not to make little judgments based on external factors. Be inspired to stop judging and start learning. Anyway, kind of ranty. This was brought on by someone being jerky to my sister, someone who has NEVER met my sister, someone who doesn't like me - and is taking it out on my sister who has had nothing to do with them. It's so confusing to me. Anyway, love you guys! Be kind, cool, and especially happy - because you all deserve it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Paco.



True love is hard to find. It's okay to be a little jealous.

Best purchase of my LIFE

Okay, so before I start this point let me just point out that I am indeed a student - which by nature means I have zero money. Okay? Cool.

So as some of you know, I used to be a brunette (I had a momentary mental breakdown and felt like completely changing my hair would also change my attitude). But after two months or so of brunette-ness, I started to really miss my blondeness. So, feeling like an expert I tried to dye it back myself. Whoops.

Here is the result of that:
I know, terrifying.

I freaked out, and drove the 2.5 hours to Chatham the next day to get it professionally done by the one lady I trust with my hair! And it turned out gorgeously white-blonde, and I also decided to chop over 2 inches off (and I love it, I don't think I'll ever try to grow it out again).

But, as she warned me, the ginger started to come through again. And she recommended I buy a $20 bottle of schwarzkopf blondme shampoo that is supposed to help with this. I, feeling poor, decided to NOT get this immediately and get a cheaper shampoo called "sheer blonde". No results. Finally I sucked it up and bought it. Holy moly, so worth it. If you are a blonde, and there is some coppery tones coming through, I recommend you IMMEDIATELY go pick up a bottle of this stuff.

First of all, as a girl - I LOVED the colour of the shampoo: bright purple! Which was promising, because at the salon my hairdresser uses a toner on my hair time-to-time and it is also bright purple! The smell, well, there really isn't any - but that's what product is for :) The bottle recommends you keep it in for 1 minute, I keep it in for 5. I noticed results the first time I used it, and my hair continues to get more and more blonde!

So anyway. My point.

DO NOT CHEAP OUT WHEN IT COMES TO YOU HAIR!!! Seriously, I made that mistake TWICE. First, I tried to dye my own hair (3 bottles of bleach = $45) and I killed my hair. I would have only spent about $50 more in the first place and had a lot less grief if I just went to the salon in the first place. And second, professional shampoo works wonders. WONDERS.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Obsession

Okay, so, I am a girl so I am allowed to be obsessed with a nail polish colour! Right now? It's china glaze's "Flying High". It's a beautiful teal/aqua colour that almost has this dusty look to it. I have worn it all Christmas break and the number of compliments I have received on my nails alone is incredible! It is cheaper than OPI nail polish, and is also much easier to apply (I have trouble with OPI, because it is made for professional use - and lets face it, we are not all professional applicators!) I recommend you all go pick up a bottle, and maybe a few other colours too!

If You Really Knew Me

This is a new blog, so I figured I should tell you all a little bit about myself. I have come up with 25 random facts, hopefully there is something there that is new to you.

1. I am 69 inches tall, and I get intimidated when girls are taller than me.
2. I graduated grade 12 with a 92 average, now I am sitting with a 75 at university, I plan to bump that up in my last 3 semesters of my undergraduate degree!
3. My parents divorced when I was 6.
4. Every few months I need to get my hips put back in place, and because my hips are so lopsided my ribs are also lopsided - but that doesn't change. Seriously, you should all take a look sometime - it is pretty bad.
5. My favourite shows are (in this order) Dexter, Curb your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development & Summer Heights High
6. I drink a ridiculous amount of milk
7. I've never been in love
8. I want to be a teacher, because I love kids and you can't ask for better hours and holiday time
9. I have a feeling give really bad first impressions to girls who are around my age. I think they misinterpret my actions as being cocky and rude, but I have insecurities like everyone else and I am a really kind and caring person.
10. I love my friends, but I am big on alone time. Without alone time I get really stressed out and start to feel depressed (which is weird, because I am surrounded by people who I love/who love me - but that's what happens)
11. I'm a nerd, and I know this because when I have a calculator in hand and am required to figure something out I feel so whole.
12. I still cry all the time over my dog Millie who passed away in April 2009. She was my best friend growing up, and she died during my university exams. My mom just told me Millie was sick, but once I was done I found out she had passed away days earlier. All that time I had hope that Millie would get better... I was literally crushed. Love you baby girl.
13. My chinchilla completes me, I talk to him like he understands me and I expect him to obey me. I feel like he gets it though...
14. The worst feeling is knowing I hurt someone and I haven't yet said sorry.
15. It's hard for me to call my step-dad "dad" even though I consider him to be just as much my dad as my real dad.
16. I was a competitive gymnast for years when I was younger, and I was amazing. Then I quit. I became a dancer, for years, and I was amazing. Then I quit. I honestly have no idea where I would be today if I didn't quit those things! But I'm so glad I did. Those are two of the sports where they place a lot of pressure on your body.
17. I don't know how to diet. I screwed myself over in grade 9 by becoming anorexic, and now I know I need to avoid diets like the plague because it always brings me back to that same downward spiral.
18. I pwn really hard at super nintendo games, I even have a super nintendo at my house in Guelph. I suck at the new systems, I keep it old school.
19. As I said, I've never been in love, and I think that's because I have only fell for pretty boys before. The kind of guy that is charming, amazingly beautiful (but you can tell he puts a lot of effort into his looks), popular, ripped, etc etc. And it took me 20 years to find out they are all the same. I need to find me a nice boy.
20. My biggest insecurity is my skin. Hence me being on drugs that are literally killing me slowly.
21. I am obsessed with pomegranates
22. I will come to your side whenever you need me
23. I want you to be my friend, my heart is always open
24. My sister is my best friend
25. I thought I looked cute with brown hair, but I am blonde. That is me.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

qod

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." - Desmond Tutu

the start of it all

it's 2011: when did that happen?

well, all I know is that I want to take a look back at 2010.
What a year that was. So much happened, everything changed. I became the Kelsey Edwards that I am today. And that's not to say that that came easily.

This past year was full of so many challenges.

A whole new group of friends at Guelph, after moving away from someone who was bringing me down to a house full of girls where I only knew one. I had no idea what to expect, I was hoping to be happy and live with girls who didn't make me want to quit school just to get away from them. But what I got was so much better than that. I got 4 of my best friends in the entire world. I got my life back. Actually, I started my life. Which was a miracle. My whole life I lived as a passenger, never being an active member. But thanks to these girls, I was finally living in the moment.

And then summer came, and I moved back to the greasy place I call chat-town. Chatham, along with being the teen pregnancy capital of Ontario, is also high on unemployment - and unfortunately, I joined that statistic. This was terrible, seeing as I was already $2000 in debt with my parents. But at the same time, it was another small miracle. I met and became so close with some of my now best friends. I got to spend so much time with them whether it was drinking, camping, going to the beach, making prank phone calls, or just hanging out with each other. And I never would have been able to do these things if I had had a job. I got to establish and strengthen Chatham friendships, something that I never really had before. It was an amazing summer. Probably the best I had ever had.

I won't spend much time on this, but I fell for someone. The first boy I have ever fallen that hard for - and had that type of relationship with. Just writing this makes me ache, mostly because I know how he hates me. And how I feel so stupid and used. The whole time we were together I knew my feelings were about a million times stronger, but being so smitten and never being in this position before I let it persist way past expiry. The drama that has come from this is almost too much to handle. And it was, really hard. I lost probably 10 pounds, I did way worse in school than I should have, and I hated myself. I became this shell... I was heartbroken, over a boy that never had those feelings for me. And the only thing worse than a heartbreak is knowing that he hates you at the same time. It was unfortunate. But it's over now. And although it hurts, I am verging on tears writing this, I know that not every boy is like that. And that I made mistakes, and I've learned from them. And become a better, and more mature, person from them.

I had 3 tragedies this year. My grandma and grandpa Vaughan died within weeks of each other from April - May. It was the hardest month of my life, so many funerals... so many handshakes... I had hoped that I wouldn't have to be part of a funeral for a long time. And I was pretty sure I wouldn't be, I had 2 living grandmother's left - My Oma and my Grandma Edwards - and they were both healthy and doing well. But, nothing is ever what you thing, and on November 1 I got the call that Grandma Edwards had a fall, and hit her head, and was on life support. I obviously prayed that there was that chance she would make it, but it was too hard on her system, and she died less than an hour after I got that call. She was the greatest lady I know, i look at her and am so inspired. She had 10 kids (9 still living) and they are all incredibly close, and extraordinary. She kept her family together so well, and all her children would agree that she was the reason they all stayed together. The funeral, although impossibly hard, was amazing. I felt so much love for my family, and honestly felt blessed and thankful. RIP to all you amazing grandparents, you are sorely missed.

I lost something else in 2010. Probably one of the biggest parts of me. I lost the Jonas Brothers. The part of my heart that was reserved for them left me. And, as much as I still love them, it is not the same. I don't need the Jonas Brothers anymore. I have another post on twitlonger about this. But it was a big step in my life realizing this, I knew it meant I was growing up.

This is getting really long.
The only thing I still need to say is just that I look at all these hardships of 2010, and I know, they were HARD. Impossible even. 2010 presented me with so many struggles. And yet, I look back at it with nothing but joy. 2010 has been the most important year of my life - and I know that is a big thing to say, but no other year has shaped me the way that 2010 did.

2011: I cannot wait to see what you have in store for me!