Sunday, December 4, 2011

HOW TO: coping & moving on

In life, if we can all just agree on one thing that happens to everyone and no matter what does not change, I think it would be something along the lines of: "shit happens".

Good shit, bad shit, funny shit, annoying shit, weird shit, accidental shit, sad shit, happy shit, and together these all lead up to one thing: life changing shit.

It happens. Our lives get changed by the events that happen to us. No matter what we do in life, we will come across a time and a place where "shit" will happen - and sometimes we do not know how to come back from it. Its hard. We were never really taught how to handle getting our hearts broken, or losing a good friend. We always hear of it happening, but when it happens to us it is totally different - and really really hard. And sometimes coming back from it, well, it is impossible.

So I am here to just give some tips on how to come back from some of the shit that brings us down. It is simple stuff, really, learned through trials and tribulations.

Life is hard. Whoever said it was easy can just go ahead and slap themselves in the face because they are the luckiest person in the world. Man, we have to work hard at it! Growing up is a bunch of reality checks that often just slap you in the face. We all have these dreams as children, wild and crazy dreams, and as we grow up we realize that some of these dreams just aren't so possible. And that sucks. So we have learned this mechanism that we PUSH AWAY reality.

But really, we need to make reality our friend.

When something bad happens, it is so easy to justify it. Sometimes this means fabricating details, and maybe lying to yourself a bit about it. Or even it means forgetting it. This is a widely used coping mechanism, but I believe that it is truly short term. You are only saving yourself from the present hurt - and you are just building up these repressed feelings that will get in the way of you growing into your future self. As hard as it is, we need to take a hard look at all the shit that happens. It sucks. But it is amazing to do, because there is no more lying to yourself.

Yes. This happened. Yes. I lost something really important to me. Yes. I understand the steps that lead to this happening. Yes. This sucks. No. This will not ruin me. Yes. I am ready to change. Yes. I am able to move on. And I mean, that sounds like really simple advice - "face reality".... but it isn't easy to do at all. We are so hard wired to lie to ourselves, that we really end up screwing ourselves in the end.

Trust me. I have been through things, and some things could have been really easy to get over - but instead of facing the truth, I lied to myself.. And in the end you get caught up in these lies and you distance yourself from reality and you lose yourself. So I have learned that I need to face my problems head first - the past doesn't define you. It gives you the opportunity to define yourself which is a whole lot more powerful!

And let me just say this:

You can hear advice over and over. And you can rant to your friends and get loads of advice... But in the end, it is up to YOU to move on and heal yourself. You can rely on friends for support, but you can't rely on them to fix you. Healing yourself is a personal thing - and you have to be ready to do this. You have to be ready to say goodbye to the past and those feelings of "what if" and "i hope". No one can do that for you, only you can.

As much as life is hard, and that shit happens.. The thing is that life does not stop for anyone or anything. It keeps going, and it is up to you to keep going with it. Don't let events hold you back - live your life to the fullest you can. Keep going with the flow. Let every hurt in your life make your reality a little clearer, and your perspective a little deeper.

Trust me. It gets better. It always gets better. You have the amazing ability to make it get better faster.

The ball is always in your court. Only you have the power to face reality and to cope and move on. You have the power to heal yourself. But most importantly - you have the power to define yourself. It does not matter what your reputation is or how your past makes you seem if you know who you are. If you love you, believe me, it won't even matter if no one else does.

Find yourself by finding reality.

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