Friday, October 28, 2011

kelsey's guide to an awesome halloween

Follow these 15 simple steps,
and prepare yourselves for the best halloween of your LIVES!

1. Who cares about being sexy? Not anyone, that's who. Being sexy on halloween is totally overrated. It is all about being AWESOME.

2. In terms of costume design: the furrier the costume, the better. (Seriously ladies, take my word on this one... Guys just eat that shiz up. If you are single, you might not be after halloween if you a rock a furry outfit. Just sayin'.)

3. Halloween themed jokes are a MUST

examples for those of us (not me) who are less hilariously gifted:

What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
-Wrap!!!!!

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
-No, they eat the fingers separately...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
-Decoffinated...

Knock, Knock
-Who's there?
Olive
-Olive who?
Olive Halloween!


4. If you aren't comfortable not dressing slutty/sexy. then at least add some flair of humor or creativity into your costume. Like, who wants to be a sexy nurse? Where is the fun in that... But a sexy ZOMBIE nurse? Way cooler.

5. If you are guys: never underestimate the power of group costumes. Seriously. (see picture)

6. If you don't want kids to come to your door asking for candy, don't be a jerk and deny them. Put a little bucket filled with candy on your front porch that says "TOBY FROM PARANORMAL ACTIVITY WILL COME AND KILL YOUR PARENTS IF YOU TAKE MORE THAN 2 CANDIES." Works like a charm.

7. Speaking of candy, this is a weekend where you are not too old for individually wrapped candy treats. Enjoy them.

8. If you aren't comfortable not being slutty/sexy, and not willing to be creative, being simply slutty and sexy is TOTALLY cool and will suffice.

9. Carving pumpkins is such a delight. It is a lot harder than you would imagine, so prepare yourself for that. Also, plan ahead when carving a pumpkin - you don't want to pull a Kelsey and entire carve out the shape you were trying to create and end up with a giant hole.

10. If you screw up your pumpkin, nails or toothpicks work wonders to put it back together.

11. Get work done BEFORE you go out, because a post Halloween candy/alcohol hangover is the last thing you need when trying to get work done.

12. All rules of april fools apply on halloween in my world. Get your prankin' on.

11. GET GREASY.

12. Halloween is all about being spooky, not evil.

Examples:

-Spooky: Childhood pranks/immature jokes (ie hiding in a closet, walking menacingly)

-Evil: Walking into a room and kicking over a table and setting fire to the house, while laughing evil (ie, like Wario) the entire time.

13. Remember: costumes can be multi-purpose. One minute you can be a migrant worker/mexican, and the next: a rice farmer! Like I said, creativity is KEY.

14. Scary movie marathons are critical. But if you are too scared, halloween themed movies are pretty great too (there are some classics out there, that will totally bring back awesome childhood movies - like ernest scared stupid, or the exorcist)

15. Be safe. But way more importantly: HAVE FUN!

Happy Halloween!

1 comment:

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