Wednesday, January 26, 2011

lets take a trip into the subconscious

I think Kid Cudi was thinking about me when he wrote the lyrics "tell me what you know about the night terrors, every night..." and I am pretty sure his response would be "you don't really know about nothing, nothing". Because really, that is the story of my life right now. And it actually has been for about a year.

I have nightmares. Every single night. I heard nightmares mean that you are an artistic person, but, I am tired of them. Most nights they are pretty mild, and don't involve a terrifying situation - but more or less a really stressful social situation. I have a recurring dream of that type, and although it isn't terrifying, it really disrupts my sleep. Sometimes my nightmares get really bad, I have had 2 rape dreams and they were both horrible. After a dream like that it becomes almost impossible to get back to sleep. The images are so vivid in my head, and it just haunts me, and stays with me for days. (side note. one of those dreams involved a boy who must have been in one of my classes and I saw but didn't realize, then right before an exam last winter I saw him and immediately recognized him as the rapist. MESSED UP!).

I know, its been about a year and I have done nothing about it. Why? I don't really know. Although the dreams are bothersome and definitely disrupt my sleep I haven't really thought of it as being a major problem. Today though, things got a little bit intense - and I am now ready for a change. I have a really long and terrible dream, not going into details, but my mom and step dad died in a plane crash (not to mention they are going to the caymens on saturday) and it was awful. I woke up, and I couldn't move. My whole body was shaking and I had obviously been crying (mascara stains all down my face). It still is bothering me right now, my stomach just aches. So I googled "how to stop nightmares" and this is the best I got

* The best solution for such a scenario is to talk about it. Discussing and dissecting your nightmares with a friend, family member or a therapist will definitely help.
* Drinking a warm glass of milk before you go to bed will also ease your brain while you are asleep, and negate the effect of some disturbing nightmares.
* Keeping a soft toy or some other comfort inducing article next to you while you sleep also helps many people avoid scary nightmares.
* Some people even find that the intake of sleeping pills helps in achieving a peaceful sleep. This is a risky solution though, as they are addictive. Withdrawal from them suddenly can make matters even worse.

Well, I tell my mom about my dreams all the time - there is no lack of communication here! Like, the one stressful social situation that has become a recurring dream could probably be stopped, but I just do not have the emotional strength to deal with it directly anymore, the best I can do is talk to my friends. And I drink milk before bed almost every night. I have my princess bunny with me every night in Guelph, and Cuddly the bear with me in Chatham. And I will pass on the sleeping pills, I do need to wake up in time to make it to my 8:30 classes.

Any ideas what is going on? I definitely was not abused as a child and had an amazing upbringing. Altogether I would say I have become an extremely happy and satisfied person, with very few things to complain about. School has never been an issue in terms of causing me stress. I just really don't know what to do.

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